Miley Keeps them, But Should You?

Hey Girls, it Rose here.  I was just thinking about old Hannah’s diary and the really big secret she was forced to keep and it got me thinking about whether keeping secrets is a bad thing.  You know the sitch.  It’s late at night at the sleepover and only you and your friend are still up.  She turns to you and says, I have something to tell you. Your eyes light up ‘cause you know it’s gonna be something good, otherwise, she would have told everyone in broad daylight.   But can you keep a secret – or should you?  I mean what if the secret is a big deal and you feel like your friend is in danger?  Or what if something really embarrassing happened to you and you’re dying to tell someone about it – but how can you be sure the whole school won’t hear about it?

Well, when someone shares a secret with you, you can feel pretty special – after all – you’ve really earned her trust.  And now you might be more willing to tell her one of your secrets.  And you’ll find that sharing makes you two grow closer.   But you need to be careful… When sharing secrets, start small, like maybe admitting how you really want to write a book someday, not about the fact that your parents are fighting all the time and you think they might be getting a divorce.  After your sure that your BFF can keep a secret you can share bigger ones.

But how can you be sure that your secret is leak proof – after all, once you tell someone a secret, it’s really no longer a secret.  Well you’ve gotta to make sure she knows it’s a secret.  If she doesn’t know for sure and word gets out – can you truly blame her for spilling the beans?  But if you told her something is secret and someone the whole world knows about it, well you might want find someone else to share secrets with…

And don’t forget you have to be a good secret keeper too – if you aren’t good at keeping secrets, well then people won’t take your secrets seriously.  Or they’ll stop telling you them totally – and you may ruin your friendships…

But what if you feel you HAVE to spill someone else’s secret.  Stay tuned for what to do when it’s time to spill the beans.

Posted by GirlMogul Rose

If you guessed that Popular Penny and her crew were not to be trusted and totally turned on Mina then guess what… you’re right. See that can be the problem with trying to be part of the popular crew –seems like those girls are always getting into fights and drama over silly things – and getting mad at each other.  And saying mean things about everyone else.  And making other people feel bad, just to get a laugh.  If that’s popularity, then I say no thanks.

Well, soon Mina found herself on the outs with Penny and her crew.  She looked really sad and upset hanging around school.  She even texted me a few times but I kinda of ignored her.  Finally she corned me at Candi-A-Rama right by the mini red Swedish fish and asked if we could talk.

Mina apologized to me for ditching me and for not defending me.  Turns out she was trying to get Penny to like her.   Well, duh.  And now she’s seen Penny for who she really is, and doesn’t want to be friends with her.  Of course when I asked a few of my probing questions, it also turns out that Penny doesn’t really want to be friends with her either anymore.

And now Mina wants to be friends with me again…She brought up all the fun stuff we used to do and all the memories we shared  — like the backyard campout where my brother tried to scare us by hooting like an owl.  And other stuff – my heart strings were really tugged.  But I still wasn’t sure.  I mean could I trust Mina?  After all she ditched me once.  And since I stopped hanging out with her I had met lots of other cool girls and we had a lot of fun – and so far very little drama.  I didn’t want to lose all of that just to go back to hanging with Mina 24-7…

So, fellow GirlMoguls – what would you do?  Would you take a friend back after you’d been ditched?  Could you trust her?  Or would you ditch her just like she ditched you?  Let me know what you think…and then I will tell you what I did…

GirlMogul Lily

posted by GirlMogul Lily

Should Your Forgive Your Best Friend?

Hey Girls – it’s GirlMogul Lily here with more BFF advice.   It seems as we go through school, friend stuff gets more and more complicated.  I mean, like wouldn’t it be easier if you could just know that you could always count on your friends.  I mean with the other GirlMoguls, I feel like they have my back, but I remember last year something totally uncool happened between me and my friend Mina.  Mina and I have been friends since like forever.  We totally met in baby gymnastics and it seemed like we were inseparable since.  We even went to the same school too, but that’s when the trouble began…

Last fall, when we started school, all of a sudden it seemed like Mina couldn’t stop talking about this girl Penny.  She and Penny had met at the pool club over the summer – while I was at camp, and they had hung out and really hit off.  At first I was happy for Mina – I mean I was glad she wasn’t moping around all summer.  But I was worried.  Penny is one of those girls – totally popular and always surrounded by a group of friends – totally not the nicest girls either if you know what I mean.

I was afraid that once we got back to school and Penny was surrounded by all her old cronies she would drop Mina like that.  I was all prepared to offer a sympathetic shoulder to cry on, but the total opposite happened.

It seemed like Penny and Mina were totally inseparable!  And now Mina was part of Penny’s clique.  And I was the one left wondering where I was going to sit and lunch.  Then Mina began avoiding me out of school. One time I caught her breaking plans to go to the mall with me to go over and have “spa-cials” at Penny’s house.  Ooooo – I was so mad.

And then it turned out that Penny was saying mean things about me – calling me desperate and a hanger on, and a goody-two shoes.  Instead of defending me, Mina laughed right along with everyone else.  Boy did that really burn me up.  So what did I do?  Ok so,  I went home and had a really good cry.  I rallied.  I called one of my other friends and asked her to go kick the soccer ball with me.  And I kept my distance from Mina.  But I kept my mouth shut.  And before long, I was making new friends and having a great time.  Sure I missed Mina, but I wasn’t moping around – or trying to make her hang out with me…

But you’ll never guess what happened….to be continued….Check out Part II here

GirlMogul Lily

Posted by GirlMogul Lily

BFF"s Fighting? What to do...

Hey GirlMoguls, it’s Lily here.  Today I thought I’d talk about BFFs.  Of course, me and the other GirlMoguls are as tight as can be, but sometimes, you know, you and your group of BFFs can just, well, get into fights.  What happens when you’re formerly super tight group all of a sudden seems like its unraveling?

It can get really weird if you’re caught in the middle – like when two of them won’t talk to each other and they want your to take sides, or act as a go-between.  Well, you’ll totally need to evaluate the sitch and see what you should do.

So first of all, are your friends being polite to each other, but just not clicking?  Well then it could be that one of them has developed some new interests.  That’s ok – it may be that you can be friends with each of them separately, but that they’re just not right for each other.

Of course, what if the opposite is true – these girls are being truly nasty to one another!  Then you need to decide if the fight is over something silly – and if they’re being silly, or if it’s over something really serious…

Well, if it’s something silly, like a simple misunderstanding or someone was crabby one day and said something snarky, then maybe you can help – explain each other’s point of view and encourage them to apologize to one another.

If they won’t and force you to take sides, then it’s ok for your to back off.   Yup – take a break from these feuding meanies and reclaim your neutral status.  Be as polite as you can and never ever stoop to the level of badmouthing.  Sooner, rather than later, your friends will realize how silly they are and will work things out – and you’ll all be friends again.

Next time we’ll talk about what to do when the whole fight is over something a little more serious…and how to handle that too!

Later, Lils…

GirlMogul Lily

Posted by GirlMogul Lily

Joanne Murray, also known as J. K. Rowling by pen, is the author and creator of the revolutionary Harry Potter fantasy series. The Harry Potter series is a worldwide phenomenon which ranges from books, to films, to merchandise and much more. J.K. Rowling demonstrates the true meaning of friendship in her Harry Potter series between the main characters. We read these books and fun and adventurous stories, but deep down, Rowling gives us important life lessons that can really help us make our lives better.

One of the primary themes throughout the books is the true value of friendship amongst these characters. Many aspects of friendship are tested in the story, from loyalty to jealousy, and from love to courage. The characters are faced with difficult challenges with their friends but at the end of the day they have all learned how difficult but rewarding it can be to stand up to your friends for what you believe is right. In this quotation, Rowling points out a very important aspect we face in friendship.

A lot of times you may face an issue with your friends. What do you do? Sometimes, I feel like bottling up my feelings inside and not say anything to my friend, because I don’t want to start an argument. But, as I learned from this quotation, this can ultimately end up hurting your friendship with that person. A true friend will always understand and respect your feelings. It takes a lot of courage to tell your friend how you feel or to stand up to them, especially when you know it may hurt them or upset them. As Rowling says, it is easier to stand up to your enemies because their opinion doesn’t matter as much as your friends’ opinions. However, you should always respect a friendship and be honest with your friends and loved ones. So next time you feel sad or upset with a friend, find the courage to tell that person how you feel and you will see it has its rewards.

Posted by GirlMogul Lily

Whether it’s with new or old friends, you strat thinkgin about how good she is at math or soccer, or how her clothes always look super cute on her…and that you can never get a math problem right to save your life, or you’re a total klutz, or you you’ll never figure out the whole boots with leggings things.

All you hear is “It’s not fair, it’s not fair.” And before long your jealous feelings are taking over your life, poisoning your thoughts, your relationships with your friends, your family, basically ruining your life. Yipes – scary picture, right!

Well, what’s a GirlMogul to do – because going through life jealous of others is sooo not girl power. But first, you can acknowledge this – jealous feelings are totally normal – EVERYONE has them and I mean everyone. So just accept the fact that you are normal – right – great – feels better already.

And the other thing is that jealously is more about how you feel about yourself then about other people (yup, we’re back to that whole self-esteem thing again.)

And guess what when you really think about what’s making you jealous it’s not about “her lie is awesome and mine isn’t…” Nope it’s more about specific things – like how your friend, or older sister is always getting straight As.

So figure out what about your friend or sibling is making you jealous – is it her great grades, her ability to talk to anyone and everyone. Once you figure out what quality is making you jealous then you can come with a plan. And by plan, I mean a way to learn how to do what she does – and best of all, maybe she’ll be the one to help you.

It could be her trick to great grades is studying hard and super organization skills. Her secret for pairing jeans and leggings – leafing through magazines. Her trick for being friendly – always smiling and practicing a few ice breaking one-liners.

And guess what – there is nothing that says you need to be good at the same things. Maybe you’re the whiz at math problems but your friend has her history down. Don’t fret – develop your strengths and don’t worry so much about your weak spots. You may find that your friend is envious of your talent – and wouldn’t that be something.

Next up – how to overcome jealously when there’s nothing you can do about it.

Posted by GirlMogul Lily

Well first, chill a bit. And take a good long look at your friend’s behavior and how you feel about it. Are you just jealous because all of a sudden she seems to be making new friends and having a fun that you’re not always included in? Has she invited you to meet these new friends but you’ve said no or had a bad time just to spite yourself? Do her new friends seem like ok people, except for the fact they’re totally taking away your BFF time? Are you being extra clingy and demanding just to prove to her (and you) you’re still BFFs?

If the answer to any of the above was yes, then maybe it’s not her – it’s you. Your friend is just branching out and making new people – but she’s still eager to hang with you. So try to calm down and accept your BFF’s behavior as ok – and try to get to know her new friends – maybe even suggest a group activity for you all to do. Your BFF will probably be relieved at the effort you’re making – she won’t feel like she has to choose.

But what if you really feel like her new friends are a bad influence -whether it’s the mean girl behavior, or the fact they keep using your friend for her math genius brain? What if you feel like your friend is becoming a totally different person — and not in a good way?

Well it may be time to have a heart-to-heart with her -in a careful non-confrontational way (like how?) Hmm, well let’s say you witness your friend making mean comment about another girl’s outfit – something your “old” BFF would never do? Try to find a time and a place where it can just be the two of you – and casually say something about the incident, and how you’re a bit surprised at what she said – I mean, everyone knows it’s just not nice to make fun of people.

Perhaps she’ll be relieved and confess to the pressure she feels around her new friends to make snarky comments. Then all you have to do is listen – and be a good friend – just the kind she’s looking for.

Do you have any BFF issues you want help with – ask a question and we’ll try to get an answer for you… And one last piece of advice – If your BFF is off meeting new people, maybe you should be trying to as well – no one could ever replace your BFF of course, but you may find another really cool friend out there.

Til next time – GirlMogul Lily

So, say you’re the one who’s making new friends – maybe you joined a new club or activity and found another girl or two who you really groove with – and now that you’re spending all this time together anyway, it’s natural that you’re hanging with them on your off time. But that’s caused a real problem with your old BFF…who acts angry and jealous anytime you mention your new friends’ names. Why can’t we all get along?

So – three tips to make the whole new friend group work:
- Introduce your old friends and new - plan an activity you can all do together – one that everyone is equally good at – or bad at. Watch the inside jokes – you don’t want your new or old friends left out…
- Keep spending time with your best friend – make the time to do your favorite stuff with your best friend – this is the best way to let her know you still want to be friends. Or try to do something totally new with her – just make sure you guys get some one on one time
- Remind her why you’re still BFFs - if your friend sees you’re having a great time with other friends, naturally she might feel jealous (imagine if the situation was reversed) and she might try to be overly clingy or worse – standoffish. So remind her that you’re still best friends by spending time with her and don’t forget to bring up your inside jokes and best memories…

And – your BFF might have your back – she may notice that your new friend — the one who’s always copying your math homework or borrowing all your cool clothes might be a bad influence – like anytime you’re with her, you always wind up gossiping about other girls. Not cool. Just remember why you love your BFF and don’t be so ready to ditch her…

Now, what happens when your BFF is the one going off and finding new pals? We’ll talk about in our next post. In the meantime – here’s to friendship – and loyalty.

Posted by GirlMogul Lily