How to Start a Conversation About Feelings

Hey GirlMoguls, it’s Daisy here again, with more about Feelings… yeah – I know, not what you’d expect from me, but I think that’s why Abby assigned this topic to me.  I mean, I would rather poke needles in my eye than talk about my feelings.  Ok, not really, but according to Lily I am more of the try and ignore my feelings until they go away personality, than deal with them up front… So in my last posts I talked about ways to find someone to talk to you about your feelings.  So great, you’ve got your feeling buddy all id’d and now what to you do.  Do you go up to them and say, hey I need to talk about my feelings, got five minutes, or an hour, cause that’s how long it might take…. Yeah right – you wouldn’t want to approach the situation that way… but here are some simple ways to get a difficult topic started:

- I am feeling uncomfortable about sharing this…

- Is this a good time to talk about something important (this works well with adults – they don’t like to be interupted, unless they think you’re about to share, in which case, most will say yes – or they will say no but they will find time for you later…

- I need to share something that’s bothering me… – this is sure to get someone’s attention

- Sometime I feel so (angry, sad, upset) I don’t know what to do. Can you give me some advice?  (trust me, just about anyone will LOVE to give you advice, especially if you ask for it…)

So guess what the hardest part of this touchy feely talk is?  You guessed it – - getting started.  So just try.  Remember adults are all serious anyway and will respect that you’re trying to sound grown up – instead of running into someone’s office, house, kitchen all bawling, or sulking or generally behaving like they think a kid is supposed to.

So good luck with your feelings – check out our other posts on How to Deal to have all your questions answered….

Posted by GirlMogul Daisy

Posted by GirlMogul Daisy

Dealing with Tween Emotions

Hey GirlMoguls – it’s Daisy here and I am back with my whole experiment on this feeling thing.  In my last post I wrote about keeping a feelings journal – either your own private notebook on your computer to help you learn how to deal with your moods  — like how to identify how different situations make you feel – including the ones that make your feel good and the ones that make you feel, well not so good.  I mean sometimes it seems like life is more full of downs than ups.

But when I started to think about all the different things that happen and writing about how they make me feel, I realized that there are just as many ups too.  I mean, sometimes, just hanging with the girls at the library, talking and working makes me feel pretty happy.   It’s not like I had to ace a test of win the Xeron Raiders virtual championship to feel good about myself.

Of course sometimes, you may be so down that you can’t see the up side.  In that case, just writing about your feelings might seem like you’re throwing a pity party for one – ouch.  So it can be better to actually talk to someone about how you feel.  But just like when you started to write them down – you wanted to make sure they stayed private, you’ll want to pick a good person to talk to.  And sometimes, well it just can’t be your friends.  You might need a more objective view – someone with a bit of distance and by that I mean older….and not always your parents…because c’mon you’re likely gonna have some “feeling’ about them…

Luckily the GirlMoguls have Abby who’s like a super cool big sister without being, well part of the family (and all judgy and worried about mom or dad).  Maybe you know someone like that too – someone older, but not too old, someone trustworthy you could talk to.  If not, here are a few tips for finding someone cool enough to talk to.

• Who has given me support in the past
• Who’s good at giving advice
• Who do I feel comfortable sharing my feelings with?
• Who do I trust with my innermost thoughts?
• Who is sensitive and kind
• Who really listens to me

Posted by GirlMogul Daisy

Posted by GirlMogul Daisy

Feelings Journal

Hey GirlMoguls, it’s Daisy here and today I thought I’d write a bit about feelings – I mean after all we all have them.  Even me – sure I know I can be all tough on the outside, but really a lot of the time, I am just doing that to hide what’s going on inside.  And while you know I wouldn’t want to change me for the world – after all – who would point when Lily’s getting all super bossy – I thought maybe it was time to work a little on the inside…

Sometimes my dad likes to use weather words to describe my mood – stormy, changing.  She’s joking…I think, but sometimes I guess he’’s right.  I can be pretty moody.  Just ask Lily.  So I wondered if there was anything I could do to help me, be well less moody.  So I did a little research and came across this great little exercise that I think will really help.

Ok, so first of all get out your secret notebook, journal, or pad of paper – or if you’re like me, you can use your computer (I like to put a password on my super private files – that no one can break in).
Now that you’re all set with a place to write stuff down, read through the following situations and think about if you’ve been in a similar situation – if you haven’t – use your imagination and think about what it would be like if you had:

• Your teacher says, “I’ll have to call you parents if you keep doing poorly on tests.”
• The boy you’re crushing on asks you to go to the school dance
• Your dad or mom tells your sister how proud they are of her grades
• Your mom tells you to go to bed, but your favorite tv show still has 20 minutes left on it
• You wake up on Friday morning and find that school’s been canceled because of a monster snow storm
• Time for gym class, and everyone, including you has to change in the locker room
• A new friend says, out of the blue, “You’re so cool”
• The ref makes a bad call against you at the biggest game of the season

You can set up up your mood journal this way

DATE:

WHAT I’M FEELING:

WHY I FEEL THIS WAY:

HOW I EXPRESSED THIS EMOTION:

WAYS TO FEEL BETTER WHEN I’M FEELING DOWN:

So take the time and go through any of the things that have happened recently – good and bad and write them down.  Next up will talk about ways to deal with the bad stuff – like stress, and how to make yourself feel super awesome even when things aren’t going your way….

Read more about this here…

Posted by GirlMogul Daisy

Posted by GirlMogul Daisy

Eleanor Roosevelt Quotes

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.”

– Eleanor Roosevelt

Hey GirlMoguls,

Eleanor Roosevelt was truly an inspirational figure in our history to all the women. This quote from her really reflects her life and achievements. She was the wife of the late President Franklin D. Roosevelt. F.D.R. suffered from paralysis and she was always there by his side during his presidency, giving him the strength, courage and the confidence to be the leader of the country. She was also known to be timid and shy, yet she had to be his voice and strength in front of the world and speak out on his behalf at times due to his condition. As the First Lady of the United States, she had to overcome her fears in order to make an impact and follow through with her dreams to make a difference.

During her years as the First Lady, it was an era that saw women without actual careers in the political realm. However, she was determined to change that as she continued her work and businesses. She was determined to change that for herself and take a different route. She was outspoken in her views and opinions regarding the African-American civil rights movement during the segregation. Eleanor was also involved in the feminist movement, working hard to enhance the working conditions for women across the country. All these were not a norm from women around the country at that time, but she accomplished what most thought was improbable.

Through her experiences she certainly gained more courage and with more courage she gained more strength to stand up for women around the world. I think what she is trying to say in the above quote is that you should never feel like you can’t do something. If you do then you should try to do just that and only then will you overcome your fear. That’s the only way you will gain the confidence to stand up for what you believe in. Nothing is stopping you from achieving your goal except your own fear.

GirlMogul Rose

Posted by GirlMogul Rose

Whether it’s with new or old friends, you strat thinkgin about how good she is at math or soccer, or how her clothes always look super cute on her…and that you can never get a math problem right to save your life, or you’re a total klutz, or you you’ll never figure out the whole boots with leggings things.

All you hear is “It’s not fair, it’s not fair.” And before long your jealous feelings are taking over your life, poisoning your thoughts, your relationships with your friends, your family, basically ruining your life. Yipes – scary picture, right!

Well, what’s a GirlMogul to do – because going through life jealous of others is sooo not girl power. But first, you can acknowledge this – jealous feelings are totally normal – EVERYONE has them and I mean everyone. So just accept the fact that you are normal – right – great – feels better already.

And the other thing is that jealously is more about how you feel about yourself then about other people (yup, we’re back to that whole self-esteem thing again.)

And guess what when you really think about what’s making you jealous it’s not about “her lie is awesome and mine isn’t…” Nope it’s more about specific things – like how your friend, or older sister is always getting straight As.

So figure out what about your friend or sibling is making you jealous – is it her great grades, her ability to talk to anyone and everyone. Once you figure out what quality is making you jealous then you can come with a plan. And by plan, I mean a way to learn how to do what she does – and best of all, maybe she’ll be the one to help you.

It could be her trick to great grades is studying hard and super organization skills. Her secret for pairing jeans and leggings – leafing through magazines. Her trick for being friendly – always smiling and practicing a few ice breaking one-liners.

And guess what – there is nothing that says you need to be good at the same things. Maybe you’re the whiz at math problems but your friend has her history down. Don’t fret – develop your strengths and don’t worry so much about your weak spots. You may find that your friend is envious of your talent – and wouldn’t that be something.

Next up – how to overcome jealously when there’s nothing you can do about it.

Posted by GirlMogul Lily